hope

How to get over your ex (when God says no)

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Dear ladies,

It’s hard but not impossible. You are able to do what looks like it’ll take the miraculous. And if you’re in need of a miracle, the best news is there’s one living God who has no shortage of power to produce miracles.

Here are three methods that will help you make room for God’s best in your life:

1. Establish what the truth is.

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Relationships are very emotional. You can’t fight emotion with emotion. You must fight it with truth. You can’t talk yourself out of something you are already struggling with.

Let me give you a few questions to think about:

– Is his number still in your phone?

– Are you still connected to him or his family/friends on social media?

– Is he all you talk about to your friends and family?

– Do you still talk to or spend time with him because “you’re still friends” and you don’t want to seem too drastic?

– Are you holding your breath for God to say “just kidding!” so y’all can get back together?

– Are you confessing feelings to him or throwing hints in any way?

All of these things are counter productive to the goal. How do you get over someone you’re still leaving a place setting out for on your heart? If you’re determined to fight for this person when you know that you shouldn’t, you may win that fight and lose yourself.

Looking at deeper truths

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– What has God revealed to you about this person?

– What has his character revealed to you that your heart has possibly ignored?

I love the quote, “When someone reveals their true colors to you, believe them the first time.”

– Does what they’ve said to you line up with what God has been pressing on your heart?

I will just jump right in and share something with you.

If this person is not for you, to walk away from them is not to walk away from love!

To walk away from them to God is to walk toward healing, power, understanding, security, hope, and restoration.

I’ve been in circumstances where I’ve looked up and realized that I built a whole world around my beliefs. I didn’t care to hear truth, I didn’t care to see what the Bible mentioned about my life, and I wanted to avoid conviction.

The truth of the matter is, my life was so much bigger than this person and I needed to see my purpose clearer. There were people on the other side of choosing God’s will over my own. There was opportunity that I couldn’t begin to imagine–but I knew that to walk into it I would have to take God by the hand and walk with Him.

2. Cease contact.

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Unfollow or block them if you must. Tell family and friends not to fill you in on what he’s doing, who he’s with, how they saw him with your friend etc. what he’s doing is none of your business. He’s part of a life you are on your way to maturing out of.

He’s either not headed where you’re headed in life, so you can just let that go for good. Or perhaps God has told you he is saving him for later, either way you need to place the control and timing into God’s hands.

As a single woman, I knew God was preparing me to be -not just a wife- but a godly wife and mother. I knew he wanted me to be a praying and God-fearing woman who would encourage my spouse and raise my child to serve the Lord. I knew he’d want my husband to wash me with the Word. Your husband can’t wash you with something he doesn’t read or meditate on with the help of the Holy Spirit. That man will have nothing of eternal value to offer you if he’s not right with God. I knew some of the dreams he’d placed on my heart and I knew it’d require character I had never encountered before.

I didn’t know where my purpose partner would come from but I knew he was on the way and I did not want that seat to be filled by my “best effort at doing God’s job.” I learned you only get God’s best, when you do things God’s way. There’s no question about that.

So let go of him and all your other exes and take time to fall in love with God. Read His Word and pray for fresh revelation. Don’t just pray about the relationship and heartbreak, pray for ideas and passion to serve God. Pray for creative opportunities to serve women around you. Pray for character development so that you are ready to handle God’s best when it comes because God does a lot of transformation in our hearts when we spend time with him.

What’s impossible for man is possible with God so stop saying it’s too hard. Nothing is too hard for God. So when you feel tears welling up or your heart drops, say to God, “this is too heavy for me but it’s light as a feather for you Lord. Please carry me when I can’t stand, please restrain me when my anger boils up, please cover me when I feel vulnerable.” Be honest with God about how you feel.

3. Consider doing a fast or taking up a new healthy habit.

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Fasting is a process that takes place spiritually to reach a greater depth and capacity with God. It’s not that you’re looking to make God do what you want, you’re actively silencing the world around you so that you can hear his still small voice.

Some fast ideas include:

Intentionally, not eating for a period of time. Some people skip breakfast, others dinner, two meals at a time, or opt for just water or juicing fruits/vegetables. There are many combinations. Some people keep their meals and just give up a vice such as junk food, dairy, meat, social media, their phone etc.

When they feel the urge to reach for what they’re fasting, they deliberately seek the Lord for the strength to overcome their own habits and temptation.

Some fasts last a week, a month, 40 days and some are even longer. It’s great to do by yourself but it’s more fun with a friend. In this way you can lean on one another for support and prayer. In addition, you can hold one another accountable. My personal favorite fasts are for as long as I feel God leads me.
I feel like I have less discipline when I know my fast will end in a week. I heavily rely in daydreaming about the day instead of using my extra time to press in to the presence of God.

Taking up a new habit doesn’t need to be drastic or expensive.

It could be yoga while listening to worship music, biblical podcasts, or the Bible on audio. It could be going to the gym, cooking dinner every night instead of eating out, going for a run–something that gives you alone time. One of my favorite habits is journaling. It’s so powerful to be able to look back and see how God has developed new traits in me. It’s cool to see how he answered certain prayers and did more than I asked for. It’s humbling  to see the importance of the prayers he didn’t answer or the times where things didn’t go the way I wanted them too.

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Get out of your own head. Your thoughts can literally send you to the hospital. Meditating on fear, judgment, what ifs, what people might think, hurts, and pains will weigh you down. What’s going on in your brain can literally cause heart palpitations, panic attacks, asthma attacks, or worse. Seek the Word for your truth, block out bad habits, make time to get in tune with who you are, who you’ve been, and the amazing woman you are becoming!!

For more insight on growing with God through bad relationships, check out my book Hey Beautiful, God Loves You.

 

 

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3 thoughts on “How to get over your ex (when God says no)”

  1. Even though I am married, I can totally relate to this. So encouraging and insightful. It’ll make you think twice about your current situation and cause you to be convicted. I love it! This is such a great read!

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    1. Thanks so much for reading!! I think blogs like this would’ve really helped me to focus on my purpose sooner. I knew what I needed to do but I didn’t know how to start! (:

      Like

  2. Its like your wrote this for me me. God bless you.. May he always pour fresh oil of anointing on you. May God’s fire in you never die

    Like

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