How to win in a new season (Marriage Edition)

I’m learning two seasons are never the same.

Whether that’s moving twice, or enduring a break up twice, or just going from one season to the other. Sometimes we can feel like we’ve got certain things figured out that we can take with us into the next season. But boy are we surprised when we are blindsided by new situations!

how to win

If you are dating or married, this blog can be a great resource for you. If you’re single, you can take this in and apply it in your new season. You’ll be ahead of the game and conscious of things that many people struggle to learn on the go!

1. Each season requires that you learn a lesson in order to get to the next one.

It reminds me of those movies where they have the ghosts of Christmas pasts and the character has the life they’re living, the life they could live, and an idea of where they’re heading in but ultimately they have to learn whatever lessons necessary to get out of the cycle.

For one the lessons are a ‘key’, and two they have to be a certain type of person to thrive where they’re heading.

If you have an opportunity to have an amazing marriage (which I believe we all do), you have to become a certain type of person in order for that to come about in your life. Sometimes I think we’re sold a picture where all we need to do is be willing and find the right person and you’ll have a great marriage. As though you can simply will yourself into 50 or 60 years of marriage.

But in reality, those people who have made it that far are not the same people they were when they first got married. Interestingly enough, that’s a lot of people’s reasoning for divorce. They’ll say “you’re not who I thought you were” or “you’re not who I married.”

But on the flip side that can be a gift if you learn to work with it. It’s something that you can wield as a weapon for good if you can recognize it for what it is.

The next lesson is something I wish someone would’ve taught me but it’s okay. The Holy Spirit taught me this and now I get to share it with you.

2. When it seems like you’ve changed or your desires (or needs from the relationship) have changed, nothing’s wrong with you.

You haven’t fallen out of love, you are not unrealistic, they are not suddenly more incompatible than ever. It’s just time for a new dialogue.

Your needs a girlfriend are different than your needs as a newlywed which are going to be different from your needs as a first time mom, which are going to be different from your needs as a second time mom, which are going to be different altogether from your needs as a grandmother.

I think what happens a lot of times is people try to either stamp out those needs as they arise because their partner all of s sudden seems unable to accommodate them. So they may think to themselves, “let me keep my needs the same as they’ve always been.” The death kneel is people keep telling themselves “Keep your needs simple.”

It is natural to grow. It is natural for needs to change. If we don’t make room for those things, then we may end up in trouble.

On one hand, the person who feels their needs have changed may decide to try to smother those needs. On the other hand, they may say their partner isn’t meeting their needs so they may take it out on their partner or leave them because they aren’t “what they need in this season.”

Now if the person is loving you like they did 6 years ago when your life was different, then you probably need something else from them. Maybe it’s not that you need MORE from them, you just may need something else from them. For example, if you’re dating, different things matter to them. They want to make sure you’re over your exes, you have your head on straight, you’re going somewhere in life. Essentially you get to live two separate lives by managing your own households and finances. Then when you get married you spend a lot of time learning how to merge those things. So you’ll need a level of understanding, flexibility, and compromise that you never needed before due to to the new season that you’re in.

The new season warrants new behavior.

Once you’re married you have to do things together that you never had to do before. Then when children comes into the picture then you have to understand what the mom or dad’s needs are and not lose them in the face of having children. It’s easy to feel the kid comes first because they’re so young, they need you, and they can’t do anything for themselves but it’s important not to forget your partner.

What are their needs? How can you help them to adjust? How can you live in light of the fact that when your kids are grown and move out, you need to have simultaneously managed the relationship with this person that you had prior to the kids being in your lives?

Long story short: seasons are meant to bring about a new you. You have to adjust in order to make it through and come out better for it.

If you’re in a relationship look at:

– Are you communicating clearly?

-Are you aware of what’s going on inside you?
Sometimes we cant find the words to explain what’s going on with us, but that may be because we haven’t taken the time.

-Are you trying to love your partner the same way you did before your circumstances changed? Is it still effective or are you not finding success loving this way but you haven’t changed the method you’re using?

There’s a lot of adjusting that needs to happen. It takes work, sometimes it takes things we never expected it to take. It can be easy to say that because what you’re facing is unexpected, that it’s related to the person. “The reason you’re facing the problems you’re facing is because of the other person.”

People do horrible things in the world.

Not everyone in the world is evil.

Maybe there’s a chance that you are with someone that isn’t evil.

Maybe the fact is they don’t understand what your needs are, you don’t know how to communicate them, and you both need to take the time to learn how to deal with it.

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